I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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