I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
