capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
