id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
