Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
worst night to have a conscience
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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