why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
