so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize