return my video game
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
