dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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