If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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