Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
