I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
