watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
