so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
