I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize