Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I want you more than these girls want KFC
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
