I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
