somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
