Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
