I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
