My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize