pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He has the fingertips of a God
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