You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
