This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
