Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
