Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
