it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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