I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
