Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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