are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
