i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
