My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
