i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Houston, we have a squirter
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
