Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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