Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
