the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
