Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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