Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
