that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
