u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
