You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
