I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
