you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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