I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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