Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
