Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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