i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
