Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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