the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
