Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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