Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
