I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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