He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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