Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
