She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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