Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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