areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
